I can’t take this “life stuff.” Even sleeping for twelve hours, Saturday night/Sunday morning, doesn’t seem to have caught me back up. And I literally have no memory of a portion of this morning, apparently related to the fact that I ended up wearing mismatched shoes . I just feel like curling up in bed, munching on chocolate and sleeping for a week. I don’t want to do ANYTHING.

It’s gotta be partly the winterness of stuff getting to me, a little bit of the whole seasonal-affective thing. Partly just stress. Partly that I’m totally out of energy since I’ve had two weeks and scattered long weekends off since last December. And I’m cold. And feeling slightly queasy for some reason.

Wanted cheeseburger today and didn’t get it because I’m starting to get skittish about money stuff. Impulse control is theoretically a beautiful thing, but leaves cravings unsatisfied.

And I wonder if this cold that’s been taunting me for a couple weeks will eventually actually beam in.

So, I’ve barely been sleeping lately, except on the weekends when I barely do anything but. And the less sleep I get, the worse my work is, therefore the later I have to stay up.

GOT to break this cycle somehow. I can practically feel the sleep deprivation doing things to my brain chemistry–the longer I’m stressed, the less I can take. This morning, I was so tired that I really shouldn’t have been driving. Now, the caffeine that I got around lunchtime is wearing off, so I’m just about ready to pass out. Thinking about taking the laptop upstairs, turning on the heater, curling up under the blankets, and working on random stuff until I fall asleep. And it’s 8 PM.

So I’m not doing true “backward design” or whatever the frick that was called on a few things in this work sample. So I’m working from my own goals and seeing how they fit into CCGs, even if that means looking at the objectives under the goals and seeing how those objectives link up to the standards and grabbing the related CCGs from those. So I’m wielding the standards instead of being a total slave to them.

So sue me.

Homework is evil. I’m trying to finish up a strategies paper…and then I need to make sure I included all the crap in the literacy lesson. And I have to get up at at least a semi-reasonable hour. I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep since Saturday night/Sunday morning–I need to be asleep right now–and my methods class induced ADD is getting worse, not better.

Today, I experienced a truly lame degree of human cruddiness. I know my car’s range; it had another 30 miles in that tank. And yet, it was definitely an out-of-gas type problem, since gas fixed it. I’m also now the proud owner of a 2.5 gallon gas can. I wonder if getting a locking gas cap is a rite of passage for teachers (or student teachers) in gang-territory schools…anyway, there’s my next weekend project, most likely.

But after I wandered a few blocks (most of them in an ultimately useful direction), bought and filled the gas can, and walked back, I also experienced human decency: a few of my students, when they saw me pouring gas into my car, asked if they could help me with anything.

Amazing how human cruddiness and human decency are so often experienced at or almost at the same time.

I just turned something in. Hey, the prof said it was due today…she didn’t say what time today.

I guess, yesterday, now.

I need a life!

94.54 seconds. Better.

The touchpad is not the proper tool.