I’m having a hard time seeing the road ahead. There are a few things where if something goes a certain way, I can see what would need to be done about it, but…I’m having trouble making concrete plans further out than May. Partly it’s because of stress; partly it’s adding to stress because it’s not who I am to totally wing it.

I’ve learned the weaknesses of two ways of teaching math–CMP and its relatives (unless you add routine practice onto the program, nothing ever gets easy) and starting with the bare standards (takes freaking forever and working in a different order from the book doesn’t work anyway because the students aren’t set up for the materials). Now I know how to work around both. Next year, wherever I am (and by implication whichever I’m working from) I’ll be able to set that up in a way that can actually work, from the beginning.

The school district I live in uses CMP, which is not my favorite math curriculum; on the other hand, they don’t neuter it like Salem-Keizer did, and I know how to fix it now, by adding on the more traditional stuff but in a more structured and accountable way than Grant did. I could probably do OK at teaching there. They also have a middle school where the boys and girls are separated; I really wouldn’t mind giving that a try, to see how much good it does to cut out the flirting.

Or I probably could stay where I am. I’m sure today’s observation was much better than the first one, and improvement is a good thing. I know I still have to pull the kids into line a bit more…unfortunately that’s something no one seems to be able to explain how to do. The thing is, I know I used to know that–I hate some of what college did to me.

Anyway, the district I teach in uses these “curriculum maps” that supposedly break the standards down throughout the year. If I had it to do over I’d ignore the curriculum map and start with the first chapter of the textbook and see what standard each lesson met. It’s a little late to switch to that now. Next year, if I’m still there.

Partly, it depends on whether I’m going to stay in this area. If I’m only going to be around here for another year or two, there’s no point in going through the bother of another job search. If I’m going to stick around in this area, I might as well switch fairly soon–next year or the year after–because, although there are plenty of good things to say about this district and even this school, upper-middle-class kids aren’t my calling; I just don’t speak the language of families in which twelve-year-olds have $200 cell phones. I know I’ve made the Rafe Esquith comparison before, about other things, but…Camelot. Not my world; I could do some good in the Jungle. (Read the book if you have no idea what I just said.) There are several options nearby.

I don’t know. It’s not decision time yet, and partly it’s hard because not only have I not thought through the effect of either on my career goals, I’m not really sure what those are any more. Definitely don’t want to go into the administration side of things–yuck (I mean I totally honor and respect those who do that so I don’t have to, but…politics and paperwork, do not want!). I think I could do something that focuses on curriculum, but I don’t want to leave the classroom; too many decisions are already made outside of where the rubber meets the road, and I don’t want to be part of that. So, I’m not sure. On one level I’ve got what I’ve been going for; on another, I have a hard time believing that this is the pinnacle of all success for me. I thought I’d “see what comes along” but that’s really not how I operate.

So, there’s the basic question: Other than (someday) pay off my student loans, what am I going to do with my life?

I read Bridget Jones’s Diary as part of a novel writing class (in which I ended up getting an incomplete, long story) in my junior year.  To be honest there wasn’t much to remember about it other than “this chick makes me look emotionally balanced,” but I do remember one actual interesting concept.  Human development was compared to a snail growing its shell, in which there’s a hard turn in the circle.  Basically, the theory is that coming back to the same problem doesn’t mean the person’s not making an progress at all.

I seriously hope that’s how it works ’cause I keep coming back to the same thing.  Proving myself.  To college, to work, to family, to myself…seems like I’m always trying not to let someone down, and mostly I do anyway, or that’s how it seems.  I guess someday I’ll either stop falling short or stop caring whether other people think I measure up.

VitaminWater: $6/week

Taco Bell Crunchwraps: $4/week

Shopping at Borders: $30/week

Baja Fresh: $8/week

The fact that none of the above will kill me: priceless. Some things money can’t buy.

As some of you will have noticed, I use WordPress and I’m addicted to it.  So this book looks rather interesting…if I don’t pick it up in the contest, it’s probably going on the Amazon wishlist.

I’m thankful for my family, who raised me with values about what’s important in life so that I didn’t turn out to be a wannabe Child of iPrivilege (not a typo).

I’m thankful that some of my students are really nice kids.

I’m thankful that I work with such nice people that I had two Thanksgiving invitations to juggle as well as enough leftovers sent home with me that I haven’t had to cook all day.

I’m thankful that if I had to cook today, I’ve got stuff on the shelves and money in the bank so that I can get whatever I need.

I’m thankful that I have a job that I don’t hate, that pays the bills and gives me a way to help people.

I’m thankful that I live in a country where I, as a woman, am free to have that job, to own what I earn from it, to vote, to write this blog, to live on my own, to drive a car, and to be a friend to a few of the people in line to keep it that way.  I’m especially thankful for those friends.

I’m thankful that my brain cells and wacky hobbies let me make myself useful, for example to another friend just a little while ago, even if it takes a while for stuff to work.

I’m thankful that I’m healthy, my cats are healthy, insurance is about to make my teeth healthy (over time, of course, because these things take time), and life is generally OK.

I don’t usually put video clips on here but this was so funny I had to. With the exception of the surprise at the end, that could totally be Chilsa…

Click “read the rest of this entry” to view.
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I found a reading level test page to run paragraphs from stories through to see if I’m being too crazy. The site accomplishes its intended purpose and is easy enough to use. It is, however, funny if one pays attention. At the bottom, it has a “List of sentences which we suggest you should consider to rewrite to improve readability of the text.”

Um, yeah…how about a “List of sentences which you should consider rewriting to improve readability of the text”? Would that be too readable?

*while class is copying a graph with notes on it into their math draftbooks*

Student: Are we ever going to take notes in this class?

Miss Klaus: What do you think you’re doing right now?

Another one learns that the way it was done last year isn’t the only way.

This made me feel a little better about how I’m just not ever going to be able to be in NaNoWriMo: