I stand by what I say
to link from your site or blog
This time last year, a typical day involved hitting the snooze too much, dragging myself to student teaching (which I considered a full-time job for all intents and purposes), working my way through the day, driving home, trying to get things done at home (with embarrassingly ineffective results), hanging out with my online friends, and staying up too late worrying about things I needed to do. The variation on weekends was to remove the alarm clock entirely in favor of oversleeping and of course no student teaching on those days.
Now, I hit the snooze too much (though less so than a few months ago), go to work, work my way through the day, walk home, try to get things done at home (with embarrassingly ineffective results), hang out with my online friends, and stay up too late (though a little less so because I just don’t have it in me) worrying about things I need to do. The variation on weekends is to, on Saturdays, remove the alarm clock entirely in favor of oversleeping, on Sundays I’m once again experimenting with the church thing, and of course no work.
Hmm.
Same friends–I had some work friends at the last job, which turned out to be YATIs (Yet Another Temporary Interaction). Same lack of a local social life, due to lack of local friends. Still stressing, not about the exact same stuff but it’s mostly connected. Not only am I, contrary what grad school told me to expect of myself, not saving the universe, but I’m barely even managing to save myself from various stuff.
My new life is my old life but with cacti.
For this I packed up and moved to a different time zone.
What’s the point? I’m not sure. Partly I’m just trying to think things through. Partly I think there might be someone out there who finds all this entertaining or something. Partly, I’m looking at ways of making my new life more different from my old life. I don’t know what to change, how, or into what, but other than that I’ve got it all figured out. Heh.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Internet friends? That sounds so geeky…
And hey, at least you’ve got the opportunity at a new life. I’m still stuck here at home making roast beef sandwiches for a living because I happened to enter the television industry at like the worst time ever – TV stations cutting staff, which puts more people into the job market, which is now smaller because of said cuts. I have no freaking clue what to do now beyond hope and pray.
You at least have a bit of direction.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Actually…I don’t have a direction any more. I have what I’ve been working for this whole time. I’ve gone as far as I ever thought I would, as I ever wanted to…there is no next thing.
It’s a pretty awful feeling, actually.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
What? No ambition? No dreams? Just…this?
April 13th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I’m saying.
Well, dreams, sure, but nothing I have any idea how to even start on making happen, so that still doesn’t provide something to work toward.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Yeah, but you don’t have to attain your dreams right this minute, do you? I mean, if you accomplish everything now, what more is there?
And of course you don’t know how you’re going to make it happen. Neither do I. My ambition of starting a new area TV station is a long way off, and I have no clue how the hell it is ever going to get started. All I know is that I need a TV job first…once I get that far I can get another. And another. And over time I will learn. And eventually I’ll find a way of figuring it all out.
There are no easy answers, and it’s not all going to happen right here right now.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Attain…no…I wouldn’t mind having half a clue of which direction had some chance of working…the thing is, the stuff I still don’t have isn’t stuff I can do on my own…
I have what I always wanted. It’s weird to be 24 and have no further career goals. And to not be happier than this about it.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Well…maybe you need to find new goals.
Not saying that you have to or that you need to seriously think about it…but maybe one day something will come along that will make you go “DO WANT”.
April 13th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
And in the meantime…I get to stagnate?
April 13th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Which is no different from the rest of the world. I am stuck in roast beef. One day I hope to be stuck in a crappy $20k per year contract doing grunt newb duties. But it’s the experience you gain from the “stagnation” (as you put it) that will enable you to do more later.
April 13th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
See there’s the difference. You have something to hope for. I just get “wait…THIS is my dream?”