Actually…I can keep my foot from changing directions, but I have to really think about it.

–United States Constitution [emphasis added]

All the qualifications for President apply only to people.  There’s nothing in there saying that only a person can be President, and nothing specifically ruling out any species, including felis domesticus…so…ladies, gentlemen, and Martians, I would like to nominate, running for the Kibble Cruncher Party and holding firm positions on animal rights, hunting, libraries, and free veterinary care, and promising to visit a vet regularly to keep from being corrupted by the poly ticks, the next President of the United States…Chilsa!

“Maybe it’s her sister.”

“OK, we were already in San Francisco, California, so now we’re moving it to San Francisco, Alabama.”

Everything else: rest of the airport.

The two are not connected except by a train that’s outside security.  First of all, this is really, really stupid, on account of the airport would be severely fracked if not actually shut down if anything happened to that train.  Second, it makes me have to go through security an extra time to get to my connecting flight, whenever I connect through O’Hare on an international itinerary.

The problem with this is, when I go through security, I want to get smart.  I restrained myself from saying these things, but that was quite the effort to repeat.

TSA: Take your shoes off.
Avrila: That might be a WMD violation.

TSA: Any sharp objects?
Avrila: Do butcher knives count?

TSA: Has anyone else had access to your baggage?
Avrila: (option 1) My shrinks, but they haven’t been able to do much about it.
Avrila: (option 2) Well, there was a friendly darker-skinned fellow with a towel on his head…

TSA: Has anyone given you anything to carry?
Avrila: Just a clock with some extra wires.

Avrila: (general comment) Defend us, oh thou great defenders of freedom, from four ounce packages of exploding toothpaste!  And thank God you’re here to stop all those terrorists who can’t open Ziploc bags!

Again, I don’t say these things.  Because I know that would be dumb.  But must they really require me to restrain myself twice?

I also have no problem with Taco Bell. Heck, this post is happening because I went to Taco Bell.

I just have a problem with…ridiculousness.

Usually I go through the drive-through and eat in my car, listening to my own radio instead of Taco Bell’s, but because the drive-through line was long and the dining room was empty, I ate in the dining room today. During that time, I happened to look up, through the window on the other side of which was the drive-through line.

In the drive-through line, a woman was reading a book on her steering wheel…which would have been fine, except…it was something about a Fiber Diet. This led me to consider the fiber content of most of what Taco Bell offers. While I don’t happen to have memorized the nutrition facts of everything, I know that there can’t be much in, say, the nacho cheese sauce. I would guess that she would’ve gotten more fiber by eating the book instead of reading it at Taco Bell.

I have nothing against healthy stuff and nothing against Taco Bell, but the two, when juxtaposed, are laughable.

This is Squirrel when she was a kitten.  As you can see, she’s always been extremely cute.

Vote plzkthx!